What I Learned When My Husband Died: Lesson #1

What I Learned When My Husband Died: Lesson #1

Lesson #1

I had just returned to work. I think it was my second day back and I was in a meeting at the end of the day. It was about 6pm when I was struck with overwhelming sadness and panic. Random sadness was common, is still common, so I did not attribute it to anything specific. The next night I was driving home from work around 6pm and I was expecting my phone to ring. I heard in my head the ringtone singing Homeward Bound, which was my signal that "home" was calling. Tears ran down my face as I drove home. At that moment I realized that Victor called me every night at 6 o'clock and every night he asked the same question, “What’s your Theta?”  It was his way of asking,  "When will you be home."   I took those phone calls every night and never knew what they meant to me until they were over. I really didn't even notice them. 

He was also non-judgemental about the answer. Whether I said, "On my way home," or "It will be hours," he adjusted. Or he'd say something like, "The kids want to watch Friends at 9 and we are having chicken for dinner." I’d reply, "I will be home by 9 then, hopefully sooner." All very casual.  Never an argument.  Non-eventful. 

This was a common exchange for years and I didn’t notice it until he died. I had no idea how much it meant to me...all of it. First, that he called at the same time. Second, that the answer wasn’t important. Third, that he gave me what I needed...a reason to shut down work and get home.

Lesson #1: Pay attention and appreciate the ordinary...it isn’t as ordinary as you think.